Modern celebs known to have practiced social

nudism include neurotic chick singers
Alanis
Morissette
and
PJ Harvey
…sun-poisoned
Great-timey musician
Jimmy
“Cheeseburger in
Paradise”
Buffett
, who asserts that his entire family
practices nudism…superdupersupermodels
Elle
MacPherson
and
Christie Brinkley
…forget-

table celebrities
Lynn Redgrave
and
Bridget
Fonda
…and Muslim-slurring animal-rights lunatic
Brigitte Bardot
.
(CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE)
To the clothed world, the nudists might as well have been Martians.
Fkk colonies faced regular police harassment, public ridicule, and
evangelical outrage. Even so, pasty white mammaries and wrinkly white
penises continued to flap defiantly under the open American sun. In the
1950s, courts determined once and for all that the idea of a cloistered naturist
Community harboring accepting adults was perfectly legal.
Utopian naturist-colony culture became diluted (purists would say polluted)
by an unwashed influx of free-lovin’, hard-druggin’, mass-orgy-havin’ hip-
pie culture in the 1960s. Public nudism became increasingly sexualized,
more of a vulgar mass movement than an underground people faith. It
devolved from its eminent Edenic origins, becoming a sanctuary for seedy
swingers and pedophilic predators and thrill seekers of all stripes. The cul-
ture of nude beaches and love ins and Woodstock and smokin’ hash oil
naked in redwood hot tubs invaded the immaculate culture of astringent nude
diets and wholesome naked family living and 500 mandatory daily nude
Jumping Jacks. Essentially, the hippies murdered the first wave of
American fkk colonies.
The naked establishment (yes…sigh…there actually is such a thing) has strug-
gled to resurrect American nudism from the sex ‘n’ drugs image that’s
tainted it since the ’60s. High-funded, closely regimented fkk “resorts”
catering to upscale couples and families constitute the modern Acceptable
Face of American Nudism. Except for the clothing policy, a number of these neo-
nudist resorts are indistinguishable from high tech health clubs. They offer
Naked swimming, nude ping-pong, nude water skiing,
Bare badminton, bare dining, and communal nude
Macarena lessons. Naturist-favorable travel agencies offer
nude cruises and naked travel packages.
The American Association for Nude Recreation,
Now the nation’s biggest naturist club,
claims 50,000 members. Its dull-as-shit
website tries its best to show a safe/anti

septic/desexualized/family-oriented strain
of nudism, with apparent reasons. Modern
Nudism equals Big Bucks, and any intima

tions of naked meth-pipe circles or nude
mud wrestling with kids would simply
hurt business. Entrepreneurial nudism’s
mouthpieces offer stats maintaining
that the positions of the American
Naked are growing by 20 percent
yearly. They mention surveys saying that
Americans are growing more
tolerant of nudism.
SIDESTEPPING THE
SARCASM
of using computers to go back to nature, nudists have taken to
the World Wide Web in order to proselytize their lifestyle and network
with likewise naked individuals.
From what I can gather after reading a few dozen of Though I’ve considered myself a nudist, or naturist, for about 9 years now (I’m 41) I , nudists
consider the “textile world” alien to their sanctified world. They view it as a
corrupted, predatory, automated, sex-hating, fascistic mainstream
berkul-
tur
filled with meanies, a world whose violence and neuroses and fast-food
wrappers and fall from grace are all rooted in the fact that its members
AREN’T BARE IN PUBLIC ALL THE TIME. Nudists use the word “fabric”
as both a noun (
He is a devoted fabric
) and an adjective (
it’s a textile strand
),
and it’s usually used with some degree of pejorative malice. Nudists refer to the
textile world’s pathological inclination to wear clothes as “clothing-obsessive-
ness” and “clothing-compulsiveness.”
These days, many of the Socially Naked often shun the words “naturist”
and “colony” totally. Instead, they label themselves “naturists” who
congregate with “traveling clubs” or at “resorts.” It is a conscious distancing
measure from any sleazy/creepy/cultish organizations folks might attach
to both the terms “fkk” and “colony.” Just like San Franciscans despise it
when outsiders call their city “Frisco,” modern self-described “naturists”
frown upon usage of the term “nudist colony,” because it makes the inhabi-
The worst and greatest time of my life sound like mindless ants.
That is really too bad, and I’m sorry to need to hurt their feelings, but I
just can’t use the word “naturist” seriously. I don’t enjoy the way it rattles
off my computer keyboard or rolls off my tongue. It’s pretentious and not almost as
sexually suggestive, in an erotically pre-porno manner, as the yummy term
“Naturist.” I choose to use “fkk,” and I Will call those freaky nude bastards
nudists whether they like it or not, fuck them
and
their stupid colonies.
Nudists defend their lifestyle with the zealotry of the folk religionists

Advertisements